As children, we tap into survival mode like bosses. Kids are strong, resilient, and deeply adaptable. We will shape shift in order to receive our core needs. Sometimes it works, and other times it doesn’t. Unfortunately, for many of us, we learned to trade authenticity for a chance at connection, love, and attachment. We did not know any better.
But here’s what’s really important. Much of the time, the role that we took on as children is a role that has come along with us as adults into our romantic connections and bonds. If we haven’t done the healing work, it’s likely that we still are playing a role for a chance at, you guessed it, connection, love, and attachment. We don’t know it any other way.
You see, if you had to people please as a child, you’ll likely do the same as an adult. If you had to become a caretaker as a child, you’ll likely slip into that role with partners. If you had to pretend like you didn’t need anything as a child, you’ll likely present similarly as an adult because your belief system’s condition says that love only happens when you betray yourself.
Understanding this was vital for my healing. I coasted under the radar as a child in an attempt to not disrupt the system that was crashing and burning around me. It took a form in “I don’t need anything and I’m totally fine” all of the time. That role came with me into my relationships. I was the cool girl who was fine with everything and never needed anything. My healing in this space came when I was able to identify the role and then choose what I actually wanted it to be.
Friends, we can shift into a healthy space. That’s the beauty of this work. It’s never too late and it doesn’t not matter how many years of doing it one way you have under your belt. Give me 7 decades of patterns and still all you’ll need is to pivot once and do it differently. Who is ready for the pivot? Who is ready to see what role you’ve taken with you into your adult romantic relationships? #mindfulmft
Free NYC event on 11/21 is SOLD OUT. Next free event is on 12/12 - please mark your calendars. Tickets launch to those on my newsletter first, so join there if you want first dibs. Link in bio.
Da wäre ich auch gerne wieder #bouldersbeach 🐧. HEUTE, nur etwas weiser als damals. Ansonsten noch alles Gute nachträglich zum #singlesday 😬. Hätten mich die unzähligen Werbeangebote gestern nicht erinnert, wäre der Tag fast an mir vorbeigegangen. Aufstehen, weinen, arbeiten, weinen, 11:11 Uhr Pfannkuchen essen, weinen, Training, weinen, Serienmarathon, weinen, Frustshopping, weinen, schlafen, weinen. Ich müsste jetzt fragen, wer hier alles #single ist 😛. Ich hatte gestern einen amüsanten Tag, OHNE weinen 😆. Es wird irgendwann Zeit für ein Paar Worte zum Thema Liebe + Trennungen. Aus irgendeinem Grund ernennt ihr mich jedenfalls zur Ratgeberin. Zu frag Dr. Liebeskummer Koleszár. Lasst mich eines sagen.
1. Es wird wirklich alles wieder gut.
2. Es wird Rückschläge geben.
3. Männer sind einfach strukturiert, was das Thema angeht (kein Angriff).
4. Abstand (echter Abstand VIRTUELL wie real = beste Medizin). Appell auch an diejenigen, die das nicht respektieren (in umgekehrter Weise)
5. Lasst mich da mal was schreiben 😬.
FRAGE: Was ist euer absoluter Tipp gegen Liebeskummer?
The great irony of the ironic "Ok boomer" trope being enthusiastically used by millennials is that they themselves are the older generation to which the term increasingly applies. In less than two months, the oldest of this group will turn 40. Why have so many millennials experienced failure to launch? Columnist Noah Smith says part of it might be the result of changing culture; dating apps and a liberalization of sexual mores, as well as the rise of roommate living, may have made some millennials reluctant to give up the urban bohemian lifestyle. But this probably isn't a major reason. It more has to do with education and economics. For many aging millennials, the lifestyle of extended adolescence -- living with parents or roommates, finding dates on Tinder, starting relationships and breaking up again -- is probably beginning to seem less like a never-ending party than a trap. Even modern workout regimens and diets can’t eternally postpone the day when skin begins to sag, joints begin to creak and mental acuity begins to dull. #millennial#okboomer#finance#single#dating#datinglife#boomer#generation#life#irony#chart#marriage