#throwback to our first night arriving in our new home here in LA..... THREE YEARS AGO... back when maddox was an only child (been busy since then hello!!), back when we had no idea what was ahead, back when we didn’t know many of our now best friends, back when all we really knew about LA was the great weather & horrible traffic... it’s fun to look back and see all that god has done in our lives since then, BUT EVEN BETTER TO LOOK AHEAD TO THE FUTURE... feeling really energized & excited about the next THREE YEARS & beyond... #TBT
Fall is far and away my favorite season. I love that fall brings family together (at least, it does mine, usually, although we're losing people it seems each year). This year, as I turn 40, I've been given to a lot of introspective thinking. Especially in the past two weeks, while we've been on the road. I think about fear a lot, and how to keep it from stopping me doing what I am called to do.
We are still on the road, and in those moments that we’ve had a signal, I've learned that two of my dearest friends have lost babies in the last week or so, one much longed for and long awaited still in the womb, one held in loving arms for a few short months with the grief of anticipated loss probably coloring many precious moments. I know well the color of anticipatory grief, although I cannot imagine how much deeper it is when it is your child you’re losing. My mother is terminally ill, and I am just beginning to examine how her illness has colored my life. My heart is broken over the babies, and over my mother, and my desire to be a better mother and better #wildwomanrising is strengthened. I've been reading Mary Oliver's essays, and John Muir's biography. I have finally begun to embrace my creative self; sides of me that I used to suppress because they seemed dangerous and "out of control." I've realized that the women I've been most inspired by were not mothers. I've started seeking mothers to inspire me. Today, I left the kids and the hubs at the truck and hiked all the way around Convict Lake. I didn't set out planning to go that far, but there was something interesting around every corner (Mary could identify, I'm sure). As I got back to the truck, I spotted my first ever Bald Eagle. I don't know what will happen when we get home, but I am a different person than I was when we left. Lots more to come from this trip, and I hope the rest will not be so heavy.